I sunk that low

It’s been a hell of a season, but it ended with a sad little whimper. If you missed Sunday night’s episode, save your Tivo space for the reunion. Trust me, you’ll thank me later.

The episode basically centeres around family - the Gorga/Giudices finally came together for a family photo, Kathy and Richie see their daughter Victoria off to the prom, Caroline finishes up her radio show, and Jacqueline once again tries to knock some sense into Ashley.

Speaking of Ashley, apparently the daughter of the year got a few tattoos - including one of a swallow - while the gang was partying it up in Punta Cana. She shows them off to her uncle Jamie, another “black sheep” of the family whom Jacqueline invites over to try to relate to Ashley.

Jamie’s advice? To tell people her tat is of a sparrow, not a swallow, or guys will get the wrong idea about her.

He also asks Ashley if she’s ever worked hard in her life, to which she replies, “Not to the fullest, no.” And yet this girl still thinks she can run off to California with no job and no drive and magically have the life she always dreamed of.

So has Ashley changed at all this season? Absolutely not - unless you count legally changing her name to “Ashlee.” Does that count as progress?

ceciliacam:

apart from these gloves being adorable, they also seem INCREDIBLY useful. from @katespadeny, found on @collegeprepster’s blog.

The Teresa Show is still going strong down in the Dominican Republic, and despite missing one of her suitcases, Teresa has managed to keep up with her jam-packed schedule of wardrobe changes.

I think Caroline has the right idea - strong medicine and bed rest is the only way out of this high-pitched, gold lame nightmare.

So here’s where we left off - Teresa is deeply offended because she thinks Kathy said she was a bad mother (which clearly she didn’t) - and has stormed off with bulldog Joe Giudice in tow to pout in the public restrooms.

“Some people just need to have drama in their lives,” Joe says, trying to comfort his wife. “She’ll never stop …. So you just piss on it and move on.”

Congrats, Joe! You just won the award for the classiest and most self-aware statement of the season.

KEEP READING …

(Source: )

Okay so let’s be real – anything after last week’s episode is a let down. So I’ll make this short and sweet. And by sweet, I mean it’s been a week since last Thursday’s episode, so you can now get yourself tested. Yeah, I’m looking at you, Jionni.

Fine, I’ll recap this *yawn* of an episode. Snooki thinks she’s being all devious when she lets The Situation’s stalker Brittany in the house while he’s out at the club, and thinks it’d be, like, the “ultimate prank” for her to hide in his bed.

Yeah, because this guy is so opposed to threesomes and general sluttiness. Good call, Snooks.

So while The Situation didn’t exactly get to engage in some “twinning” this week, he did ditch his slightly classier girl du jour for the one already half-naked (and actively stripping for the cameras) … i.e. Brittany.

Well done, Snooki. You are officially the best wingwoman ever. Great way to make Mike feel guilty for telling people you cheated on Jionni by helping him get laid. Again.

On a related note: Deena, you’re fired.

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For anyone who watched Thursday night’s episode, the state of New Jersey will be providing free counseling sessions. Paid for by the taxpayers, of course.

Okay, where to begin? Well, as JWOWW astutely put it, “I wish I had the ‘Men in Black’ zapper to undo the whole night.”

Yup, that sums it up quite nicely.

So the gang is giving Florence the weekend off to restock the liquor stores and are headed to the beach town of Riccione.

“It looks like Hawaii, so I feel like it’s like an island, or maybe it’s on the border of like a continent,” Snooki muses. “You know what I mean? So it’s like by ocean.”

Well the cast certainly packed like they were headed to a deserted island! Four bags apiece for a 24-hour stay? Ridiculous – especially for a group of people who wear so little clothing, priests literally run out of churches to tell them to cover up.

As the guys go have a classy day of fine dining and exploration, the girls make a beeline for the beach bar to get wasted.

While taking shots with their hands behind their back and chanting, “blast in a glass,” the ladies horrify the poor, unsuspecting bartender by screaming “vagina” and yelling at passersby to translate it in Italian.

And who said “Jersey Shore” wasn’t educational!

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It must be a full moon or something, because this week the Situation isn’t getting laid, Sam hasn’t bawled like a baby, Deena has only fallen over once and Ronnie is doling out advice.

That said, I kind of wish the Situation was back on his game, because I am sick and tired of hearing this mama’s boy moan and groan about how hurt and helpless he is and how he wants to go home. Honestly, I’m a little disappointed the Situation didn’t break his jaw and have it wired shut.

YOU SLAMMED YOUR HEAD INTO A WALL! YOU HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF AND YOUR THICK SKULL!

But that fact is lost on the Sitch, who blames his sprained neck and light concussion on Italian architects, because “the walls in Italy are pure brick and mortar.”

Um, what are the walls in Jersey made of? Hair gel?